A Celebration of Life!!

Tina and Bob

All the Best had the privilege of working with Tina and Bob while they were planning their September 2009 wedding.  They had been dating for quite some time and they were both excited to be married.  They chose a site on the beach because the ocean is very special to both of them.  They are both merchant marine captains whose fathers were both merchant marine captains.

Shortly after we started working together Tina told me that Bob had been diagnosed with cancer.  In no way did this slow either of them down – full speed ahead went the planning!  We chose a venue and they found a church nearby.  Photographer, DJ, and florist were chosen while Tina was on leave from her ship.  When she was in captain mode we communicated by e-mail and cell phone.  Bob’s treatment was on going and when one therapy didn’t work Tina researched and found others.

It was so easy and fun to work with them.   Tina knew exactly what she did and did not want.   She chose carnations for most of their flowers because Bob liked them.  The DJ went out of his way to find a particular sailing song that while solemn was one they both liked.

Their love and faith in each other never waivered and Tina always had something positive to say.  Bob even planned his therapy around the wedding so he would feel as well as possible on the big day.  Family and friends traveled from near and far in order to celebrate with the happy couple!  As a testament to his sense of humor Bob had a “NIC (not under command)” symbol on the sole of his shoe that all could see when he knelt during the ceremony.  At the end of the day both bride and groom were very happy with the way their day had gone.  We at All the Best were proud to have been a part of it all.

Tina called yesterday to tell me that Bob had passed away on Thursday after a 3 year battle with cancer.  She also told me to tell the photographer that she would be in touch to order her wedding album and would be using some of the proofs at his memorial.  She and Bob had picked out the pictures.  I am  devastated.  I can only imagine how Tina feels.  They were married for just about 5 1/2 months.

So the next bride who gets upset because something ridiculously small happened to cause her day not to be perfect will hear the story of Tina and Bob.  A life together cut short because of a deadly disease that no amount of planning or detailed lists could make perfect.

Tina seemed to be at peace knowing that Bob was not suffering any more.  My heart goes out to her and the members of Bob’s family.  He was a great guy who loved Tina and will be missed by all who knew him.

Let’s Go Shopping!!

I have a client who bought her dress, accessories, and bridesmaids dresses from a nationally known wedding dress shop.   I am working with her to try to return an accessory item that she purchased months ago that turns out to be too big for her to use.   No one at the shop gave her any advice as to what might be a good fit for her – she picked everything out, paid for it and walked out of the store.  After striking out with the store manager and a corporate customer service manager I am now waiting to hear from the district manager.

Apparently “no” and “can’t” are big words in their vocabulary.  No they can’t take back the item since it was purchased months ago.  No they can’t take back the item – it’s been discontinued.  No they can’t take back the item – the sales receipt is stamped all sales are final.  No they can’t issue a store credit – if they do it for me what will they do for everyone else that they say “no” to everyday???

I really don’t care what they can’t do for anyone else – my concern is for my client.  IMHO it’s not that they “can’t” do it – policy, shmolicy – it’s that they won’t do it.  To me the answer is really a no brainer – issue some kind of credit so she can get something else and not go to another store (and have her wedding planner blog to the world about the poor customer service!).

I had a consultation the other day with a lovely bride who is in the process of looking for her wedding dress.  She had already been to one of my favorite local salons (and this one I will name) – The Barefoot Bride in Fair Haven, NJ.   She was hesitant to buy the dress and thought she would look at other shops.  The friend that was with her told her – “you are not going to find service like that at another shop.  Trust me!”  Mayra has helped dress a few of my brides and their wedding parties.  She and her staff go out of their way to provide the kind of service that brides want (and deserve). You would think that because of their location that their prices are high.  I can assure you that have a wide range of price points – I had one bride who paid $800 for her dress several years ago.  It was a gorgeous beaded strapless dress that fit her perfectly – she looked so beautiful in it!

The bride’s wedding dress sets the tone for the wedding.  It’s one of the most important choices she will make for her wedding day.  Why shop at a place whose policy includes “no we can’t” instead of “of course we can” or “we’ll do our best to get that done for you?”  Do your research – ask your friends where they got their dress and would they go back there again; read the message boards online; ask your wedding planner; check with the local Better Business Bureau or Chamber of Commerce.  Make an appointment, see how they treat you.  If you don’t like it – move on!  There are plenty of other shops out there with the “can do” attitude!  Find the one that’s right for you.

It IS What you Know!

Today I arrived in Indianapolis to attend my first Association of Bridal Consultants Annual Fall Conference.  My seat mate on the plane was a very nice man who is an education consultant to school districts throughout the US who have more students that are failing then are passing.  His career includes 22 years as a classroom teacher and he told me that he stills reads and studies constantly.  “Every good teacher ” he told me “is always learning.”  After observing in the classrooms, he works out a plan that is specific to each district, then he guides the team of teachers and administrators through the implementation process for his action plan.  In one of his districts the 7th graders went from having the lowest math scores in the district to among the highest.

As we were getting off the plane I realized that our work processes are very similar.  Granted, I’m not raising the education level of our nation’s youth, however, guiding clients through the process of planning their wedding is truly a milestone in their lives.  After a consultation with my clients I put my education and 25+ years of experience to work.  An action plan is formulated which is then implemented by guiding my clients and their family and friends through the process.

I still get a thrill when I learn something new.  That will never get old.  I’m looking forward to taking advantage of all this conference has to offer and to participating in other conferences, classes, and networking opportunities as they become available throughout my career as an event planner.  The more I can bring to the table for my clients, the better!!

Is it Better to Give Then to Receive???

I started out as a proponent of receiving lines.  As a guest at a wedding a few years ago I was very disappointed that there was no receiving line.  I thought that was just plain rude!

Up until a few weeks (and weddings) ago I would always recommend a receiving line when asked.  TheKnot.com says that etiquette dictates that you should have a receiving line if you have over 50 guests. Emily Post mentions “if you have one” in some of her posts.

The main reason I changed my mind is because a receiving line can be very time consuming and sometimes time is not your friend.   The Association of Bridal Consultants Professional Development Program says to allocate 20 seconds per guest for a receiving line.   If you have 150 guests that’s 50 minutes.

My new mindset takes into consideration where the ceremony takes place vs where the reception will be held; how long of a break there is between the two;  and if the bride and groom will be seeing each other before the ceremony for pictures.  Even if you do a receiving line, not everyone will have made it to the ceremony, so the bride and groom may still feel obligated to visit each table. Whether you do a receiving line or not the bride and groom  should make every effort to greet each guest whether after the ceremony or during the reception.

IMHO I present the following scenarios for your consideration:

(1) If the bride and groom saw each other before the ceremony, and the wedding is off site from the reception, and there is more than 2 hours between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour and the venue is less then a 1/2 from the ceremony and there are less than 150 guests at the church – go for the receiving line.

(2) Given the same situation above but the bride and groom did not see each other before the ceremony a receiving line is still doable depending on how much you want to get done before cocktail hour starts (or finishes). Figure an hour for the receiving line, another 1/2 hour back inside the church for pictures, another 1/2 hour for the trip to the picturesque site for bride and groom portraits.  That’s 2 hours right there assuming that everyone is ready for their picture when called.  If it takes another 1/2 hour to get to the reception venue then you’ll probably have time to enjoy part of your cocktail hour with your guests.  If there is  less than 2 hours between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour a receiving line can still be done with the knowledge that the bride and groom probably won’t make cocktail hour at all.

(3)  If your ceremony and reception are at the same site and the conclusion of the ceremony is the signal to start cocktail hour then seriously consider not having a receiving line especially if the bride and groom did not see each other before the ceremony.  That hour will go by very quickly and the newlyweds will have no time to enjoy cocktail hour. They may even  delay introductions which will then cut into the time allotted for dinner and dancing.

(4)  Given scenarios 1 and 2.  If you have over 200 guests at the ceremony I’d vote a big “no” for the receiving line even if there’s more than 2 hours in between.  It would take the last people in line over an hour to get out of the church and that’s way too long for anyone to stand in line.

So answer this – Is it better to give (yourself a break and some extra time) then to receive (the well wishes of your guests when you’ll see them all in a few hours at the party)?  Can’t wait to hear what you think!